sequinissues

I am so, so sick of always being disappointed.

I just came home from an amazing, amazing rehearsal. We choreographed and scored one of the most intense pieces in the show, a scene in which a female officer experiences an attempted rape at the hands of a Navy SEAL. The work we did on it was so profoundly unsettling that I honestly felt sick to my stomach when we were done. I had goosebumps for a solid twenty minutes, and I almost started crying as I read the piece aloud so our actress could choreograph her movements in real time.

That is why I do theatre. Those moments. Seeing a piece of work that was just dead text on a page come alive in a flurry of immediate emotion. And the feeling after rehearsal is over: exhaustion, exhilaration, adrenaline. I'm so giddy right now, I don't know how I'm going to get to sleep.

I feel free.

Within the span of fifteen minutes, I:

-lost the top of one of my sternum microdermals (just implanted on Thursday night)
-broke my bra while I was wearing it
-dropped my cell phone and
-lost an integral part of said cell phone

It wasn't an experience I'd like to live through again. Fuck my life.

Luckily, I called my piercing shop and they stayed open past their closing time to install a new top, free of charge. Sam fixed my bra. Cell phone is still MIA.

However, my hair is now a cool shade of black, so that's a fun thing.

And... I start school tomorrow. Thrilling!

I feel like my brain is mush. I hate finals so, so much. I feel like I can't get anything together right now.

In the past 36 hours, I have:

• Tie-dyed many, many t-shirts.
• Hosted my last review session ever.
• Turned in 37 pages worth of journal responses.
• Realized that I may just be a horrible friend and a horrible person.
• Done sexy things with someone in the bathroom of the Wench.
• Had a complete breakdown over the phone at midnight. There was a lot of crying.
• Been told by a very important professor that I am an excellent writer and should definitely "become a scholar." And she bought me a beer.
• Watched, and then mocked the ridiculous Dollhouse finale with my two of my favorite people.
• Got harassed by a creeper in a pickup truck while walking home. Twice.

It has been kind of a roller coaster, to say the least. There is someone in particular that I really, really want to talk to in order to get perspective. But I think it's going to have to wait. :-/

Sigh.

Tomorrow: Wallets for Change.

I need pie.

Oh thank god.

I did it.

Ron Silver died.

"I'm tired of working for candidates who make me think that I should be embarrassed to believe what I believe, Sam! I'm tired of getting them elected! We all need some therapy, because somebody came along and said, "'Liberal' means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense, and we're gonna tax you back to the Stone Age because people shouldn't have to go to work if they don't want to!" And instead of saying, "Well, excuse me, you right-wing, reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun, Leave It To Beaver trip back to the Fifties...!", we cowered in the corner, and said, "Please. Don't. Hurt. Me." No more. I really don't care who's right, who's wrong. We're both right. We're both wrong. Let's have two parties, huh? What do you say? "
--West Wing "Gone Quiet"

So. I'm directing my first show ever. Auditions are tomorrow. It goes up at the end of March.

I am trying not to flip out.

...but seriously, what the fuck am I doing? I can't even express the many and varied ways in which I am UTTERLY TERRIFIED.

I'm afraid that no one is going to show up for auditions. I'm afraid of the casting process. I'm afraid that I'll pick the wrong people. I'm afraid to alienate the people who I can't cast. I'm afraid that I won't be authoritative enough in rehearsals. I'm afraid that my vision won't translate. I'm afraid that I'll have no rehearsal space. I'm afraid that I'll have no audience.

But mostly, I'm afraid that I'm going to take this amazing, true, moving script and butcher it. This subject matter is so powerful. These words need to be expressed and heard and valued. What if I can't do them justice?

So, I'm afraid.

But I've also never been more excited.

Here's to a whirlwind month.

As per every Valentine's Day in this journal:



({¡})
V is for...
Valentine...
Violence...
Vagina!!!



"V-Day is an organized response against violence toward women.

V-Day is a vision: We see a world where women live safely and freely.

V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.

V-Day is a spirit: We believe women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities.

V-Day is a catalyst: By raising money and consciousness, it will unify and strengthen existing anti-violence efforts. Triggering far-reaching awareness, it will lay the groundwork for new educational, protective, and legislative endeavors throughout the world.

V-Day is a process: We will work as long as it takes. We will not stop until the violence stops.

V-Day is a day. We proclaim Valentine's Day as V-Day, to celebrate women and end the violence.

V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable movement and community. Join us!"

-The V-Day Mission Statement

VDAY.ORG

I believe we call this: BEST CAST EVER.

About a week ago, I got my labret pierced.

Tonight, I died my hair red. The hair that I mostly chopped off a couple of weeks ago. It is subtle, yet badass.

If I were anyone else, I'd think that something was wrong with me and/or my life at the moment.

...However, being me, I just think I'm pretty fucking awesome. I may be losing my mind, but I think that this may be the best semester of my college career so far.

I will never forget this night. Not for as long as I live.

Amazing events. Amazing people. We just witnessed history.

No. We just MADE history.

I am sore, sick, sleepy, and conflicted.

UGH.

However, Colin Powell just officially endorsed Obama. So that's pretty awesome.

My uncle's in the hospital. Has been since Sunday. It's not looking very good. I really don't know how to feel. Obviously, it's sad... however, my mother spent my entire life telling me what a horrible person he was. I just can't seem to conjure up much compassion for the guy, which just ends up with ME feeling like a horrible person.

Oh, and have I mentioned the fact that I'm still not in any sort of stable contact with my mother? Yeah, that's making things complicated.

And today was just... horrible. I woke up in a funk I couldn't get out of, walked around in a daze most of the day. Had to deal with some ridiculously Rube Goldberg-like mishaps, assholes at work, and the fact that I just cannot seem to manage my schedule at ALL.

And now I'm curled up in bed, blowing my diet on crappy fast food and lots of chocolate, trying to watch movies that will make me laugh.

...It's not really working.

Dear universe,

WHY am I writing a paper on eroticism in Ancient Egyptian love poetry? When did this become my life?

And why does Women/Gender in Antiquity suck so much? It could have been such an awesome class. :(

Sincerely,

Kaylene
Who has to write 1,000+ words by tomorrow afternoon

PS. Today, in class, I stood up in front of 500+ people and managed to tell a really corny joke and insult my professor in one go. But that's okay, because it was all scripted. I got both boos and laughter. And it was awesome.

Just FYI-- there's a big update coming here. Mainly about how crazy my life is right now, and how I have no life outside the University of Arizona campus and my own bedroom. I'm definitely gonna need an outlet, and I'm hoping this LJ will be it.

In the meantime, my twitter is here, if you want to keep up with my daily shenanigans.

Dear internets:

Just how drunk should I get in preparation for the Doctor Who finale? 'Cause I can already tell this shit is gonna get ridiculous.

Happy 21st birthday to me!

I've had many mixed drinks in a very short amount of time at a pub called The Surly Wench (I KNOW!), and it's getting a bit difficult to type, but much love to y'all. And most importantly:

TWENTY-ONE!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOO!

Guess what I just bought! This awesomesauce poster:



I'm excited. I think I'm going to hang it over my closet door.

Now that it's summer, I'm planning on decorating my walls so that they're not so blindingly white (yeah, I know, I've been here for almost a year). Any ideas? Keep in mind, I have new bedding now. It's pretty!.